At Your Side

The family and support provided...

The family comprise of 3 neurodivergent children living separately, one with Mum, one with Dad, one with Grandma due to difficulty living together. Jennifer Levey, Calmer lives therapeutic mentor, began by offering a few sessions with Mum who was living with the eldest child (15-16) to get a gauge of what was happening and to offer some support strategies. This young person experiencing the most frequent and intense dysregulations at the time.

In turn Jennifer began 1to1 therapeutic sessions with the eldest child who had hit Autistic Burn Out and shut down and subsequently unenrolled from school.

Support provided young person to:

process trauma
understand their own individual Autism and PDA
understand self-regulation and dysregulation & tools to assist regulation
understand their siblings neurodivergence and their triggers
build self-esteem and sense of self

Joint sessions were provided with Mum to discuss and explore ways forward so that the siblings could build positive ways to be around each other in one house.

Sessions with middle child (13-14) and Mum, plus some 1to1who was also facing Autistic Burn Out and Shut down, struggling to attend school due to extreme anxiety and OCD associated with school anxiety.

Support focussed on help to:

understand what was happening to her; understand personal sensory profile and impact of not meeting needs
understand masking and avoidance of social interaction
understand dysregulation and the impact of displaced stress onto family members
understand other siblings’ neurodivergence better and build tools for tolerance and understanding

1to1 sessions with Dad, who middle child refused to talk to until he had therapeutic support to help change his behaviour and communication.

Support provided Dad to:

understand his own drives and anxiety responses
understand why children are demand avoidant and struggle with regulation
understand own likely neurodivergence and personal individual needs relating to it
build tools and strategies of communication to support children side by side and empathically rather than being controlling, demanding, reactive and punitive.

IMPACT...

Eldest Child

Volunteered to do work experience in a children’s nursery which then lead to a parttime position and NVQ training in the nursery which supported her needs for time out to re-regulate.
Continues to make sure tasks which give her regulation and well-being are structured as part of her everyday life: crocheting, music, gardening, baking.
Better understanding of self and how to look after self
Better understanding of siblings and parents and when to engage and when to back away.
Aspirations to study child psychology
Better understanding of neurodivergence

Middle Child

Had a period of recovery from school
Re-engaged with school but now able to communicate her needs to regulate and function
School now better able to support
Less masking and general regulation on a more even keel
Hugely reduced OCD
Now has a pleasant relationship with sister and Dad and seeks out time with them where before had shut self away in bedroom

Dad

Much improved mental health and self-awareness
Now understands how to support his children and ex-wife/mother of children and as a result his relationship with all of them is much improved
Now understands what to advocate for in school for his middle child and youngest where in the past he put pressure on all his children further exacerbating their difficulties.
School now working to give adaptions in school and in regular contact with parents to continue in child’s best interests
All three children now seek out and like time with Dad

Mum

“Having been failed by the support services offered by our local authority, my daughter started sessions with Calmer Lives to help her to work through the troubles she was having with a variety of issues including school anxiety and family relationships/dynamics. After attending a series of weekly sessions, she has now arrived at a much happier place in life and feels better equipped to handle the challenges that her rapidly approaching adult life will bring. I honestly don't know what we'd have done without the help of Calmer Lives.

I subsequently reached out for help with Calmer Lives after hitting a wall of my own; stress from work compounded by complex family/relationship dynamics left me close to despair without the motivation to look after my own needs. Calmer Lives expert advice and guidance showed me how to achieve the best outcomes for myself and my family, underlining the importance of prioritising my own needs. My now monthly check-ins with Calmer Lives will help me to ensure that I'm continuing to improve.

Working from home, I find that the online sessions worked best for me since I can simply block a suitable time-slot out of my day and be in therapy without leaving my 'office'.

Calmer Lives guided me sensitively through the relationship issues I was experiencing with my neuro-diverse children. After each session, I was directed towards relevant supporting resources and materials that I could utilise in my spare time to quickly give me the tools to improve. I'm now taking a completely different approach towards communication with my whole family and can honestly say that my relationship with them as a whole has never been better. I wouldn't be in this position without the help of Calmer Lives.”

Request for support

The school made a referral for the family for support from Calmer lives, it was suggested the family access a Thrive intervention via the children centre, which has now been completed. Parent embraced the process and completed the 6-week intervention. However, it was felt the family could do with further support via Calmer Lives, to continue to support child when she dysregulates, which leads to her displaying big feelings of emotions, which is a challenge for her the to deal with most times. Further support will help Mum to co-regulate alongside her daughter when she is dysregulated. There are times when child’s behaviour impacts her sister who suffers heightened anxiety. She does present with dysregulation at school and is unable at times to manage her big emotions. School have started the ASD assessment process for her. It was felt that it would benefit the family further to maintain the work Mum has already accessed.

The child has received a x2 day exclusion from school setting with concern for this behaviour leading to continue in frequency and intensity.

Support provided by Calmer Lives

X7 one hour sessions delivered 1:1 online with parent.
Increase parent understanding of autism. Specifically in relation to observing the child’s behaviour. Her strengths, areas of difficulty and sensory profile.
Co-regulative and Collaborative activities over summer holidays. Specific in building trust together with parent and preparing themselves for a return to school in September.
Identifying need for child to require more predictability in the environments she encounters and develop escape plans for when she becomes overwhelmed.
School Trigger assessment form. Providing advocacy for child sharing her experience of school.
Identified some actions for school to help provide adjustments to her day.

Impact

Child able to visit a shoe shop with her her Mum without experiencing a ‘meltdown / overwhelm’.
She was able to try on new school shoes and choose a new pair.
Child was able to transition back into new school term meeting attendance expectations.
Family are now closed to Early Help support
Increased understanding of behaviour and ability to advocate for needs in school setting.
Parent has been able to increase their own capacity for self care whilst supporting the needs of others.

Mum

“I Have a different angle – learning more how my child might be seeing something. I try to help her explain her point of view.”
“I’m learning to pick up on her cues – it can be hard to imagine what she is going through. There is always something new.”
“There will be a meeting with new school headteacher this week. I want to learn more about their approaches moving forward.”

"My thoughts on this are that this is the only service that has actually worked from our perspective. You have helped us to understand autism and neurodiversity; how to be better parents for Audrey; and allowed us a therapeutic (empathic, non judgmental) space to offload and share where we're at. I feel the system around supporting SEN kids is highly dysfunctional, shaming, pathologising (of kids and parents), gaslighting, unscientific and unintelligent. Having to operate in that system requires a need for resilience and an ability to differentiate between truth and bull***; and the space we've had with you has helped on both those accounts, and thus stopped us going crazy! This of course then allows us to be better parents to Audrey, and not to pass the pathologising / gaslighting / shaming onto her." - Mood family

What impact did consultation support have for you during your attendance?

It was specifically around attending university. It allowed us to identify problems, and to formulate a plan that meant Zof could identify herself when things were not going well (as well as me understand better why these things were happening) and ultimately decide when it was time to stop and change direction.

Did the support have a lasting impact for yourself / family?

Yes, Zof (PDA Autistic ADHDer with CFS) had autonomy and support to see that university was not manageable for her, and to come home and pursue a much lower demand lifestyle. After most of a year in burnout, she started volunteering with the local wildlife trust and gained a place on 'wild paths' a year long practical training programme. Since then she has spent a year on a local farm horse logging and has a part time job with a local charity. I have been able to support her through this, she still lives at home full time and we have both adjusted our expectations of what the future might look like.

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The family and support provided...

In turn Jennifer began 1to1 therapeutic sessions with the eldest child who had hit Autistic Burn Out and shut down and subsequently unenrolled from school.

Support provided young person to:

process trauma

understand their own individual Autism and PDA

understand self-regulation and dysregulation & tools to assist regulation

understand their siblings neurodivergence and their triggers

build self-esteem and sense of self

Joint sessions were provided with Mum to discuss and explore ways forward so that the siblings could build positive ways to be around each other in one house.

Sessions with middle child (13-14) and Mum, plus some 1to1who was also facing Autistic Burn Out and Shut down, struggling to attend school due to extreme anxiety and OCD associated with school anxiety.

Support focussed on help to:

understand what was happening to her; understand personal sensory profile and impact of not meeting needs

understand masking and avoidance of social interaction

understand dysregulation and the impact of displaced stress onto family members

understand other siblings’ neurodivergence better and build tools for tolerance and understanding

1to1 sessions with Dad, who middle child refused to talk to until he had therapeutic support to help change his behaviour and communication.

Support provided Dad to:

understand his own drives and anxiety responses

understand why children are demand avoidant and struggle with regulation

understand own likely neurodivergence and personal individual needs relating to it

build tools and strategies of communication to support children side by side and empathically rather than being controlling, demanding, reactive and punitive.

IMPACT...

Eldest Child

Volunteered to do work experience in a children’s nursery which then lead to a parttime position and NVQ training in the nursery which supported her needs for time out to re-regulate.

Continues to make sure tasks which give her regulation and well-being are structured as part of her everyday life: crocheting, music, gardening, baking.

Better understanding of self and how to look after self

Better understanding of siblings and parents and when to engage and when to back away.

Aspirations to study child psychology

Better understanding of neurodivergence

Middle Child

Had a period of recovery from school

Re-engaged with school but now able to communicate her needs to regulate and function

School now better able to support

Less masking and general regulation on a more even keel

Hugely reduced OCD

Now has a pleasant relationship with sister and Dad and seeks out time with them where before had shut self away in bedroom

Dad

Much improved mental health and self-awareness

Now understands how to support his children and ex-wife/mother of children and as a result his relationship with all of them is much improved

Now understands what to advocate for in school for his middle child and youngest where in the past he put pressure on all his children further exacerbating their difficulties.

School now working to give adaptions in school and in regular contact with parents to continue in child’s best interests

All three children now seek out and like time with Dad

Mum

Request for support

The child has received a x2 day exclusion from school setting with concern for this behaviour leading to continue in frequency and intensity.

Support provided by Calmer Lives

X7 one hour sessions delivered 1:1 online with parent.

Increase parent understanding of autism. Specifically in relation to observing the child’s behaviour. Her strengths, areas of difficulty and sensory profile.

Co-regulative and Collaborative activities over summer holidays. Specific in building trust together with parent and preparing themselves for a return to school in September.

Identifying need for child to require more predictability in the environments she encounters and develop escape plans for when she becomes overwhelmed.

School Trigger assessment form. Providing advocacy for child sharing her experience of school.

Identified some actions for school to help provide adjustments to her day.

Impact

Child able to visit a shoe shop with her her Mum without experiencing a ‘meltdown / overwhelm’.

She was able to try on new school shoes and choose a new pair.

Child was able to transition back into new school term meeting attendance expectations.

Family are now closed to Early Help support

Increased understanding of behaviour and ability to advocate for needs in school setting.

Parent has been able to increase their own capacity for self care whilst supporting the needs of others.

Mum

“I Have a different angle – learning more how my child might be seeing something. I try to help her explain her point of view.”

“I’m learning to pick up on her cues – it can be hard to imagine what she is going through. There is always something new.”

“There will be a meeting with new school headteacher this week. I want to learn more about their approaches moving forward.”

What impact did consultation support have for you during your attendance?

Did the support have a lasting impact for yourself / family?

“Jennifer has been and still is a huge support for us, not only offering consistent guidance and knowledge around all areas of our complex child and family but also supporting applications, referrals along with propping up my mental health” - Curtis family